Author Archives: Joe

TKE, ASU, Jarrett Maupin, & The “MLK Black Party”

Many of you have reached out to me to gauge my temperature on the recent “MLK Black Party” hosted by the Tau Kappa Epsilon (“TKE”) fraternity. My reaction is quite simple: I have none. I am not hurt, bothered, offended, belittled, nor disturbed by the photos, the caricatures, the overwhelming publicity, or the idea that some white kids in Tempe, Arizona think tennis shoes, grills, & jerseys represent the Black community. Why am I not offended? For the same reason Richard Sherman screaming into a microphone on national TV does not bother me: it doesn’t represent me. I won’t allow, in fact refuse, to allow it to represent me, my brand, or my family. Let’s talk a little bit.

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I find it incredibly disappointing that we feel we must employ our local Black leaders to speak out on this issue. Jarrett Maupin, a man I’ve known since high school, felt the need to speak out on this issue to the local media, even going as far as to call for the expulsion of those who attended the party. Said, Mr. Maupin, “TKE has a problem with African-American students…They have a problem with black people as a race, and there’s no room for that in what [ASU President Michael] Crow has called ‘The New American University.'” Mr. Maupin further added that if he didn’t receive a meeting with Dr. Crow, he would call for a boycott of the Sun Devil athletic program & its efforts to generate donations to remodel the football stadium.

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This is wrong for two reasons: first, by Mr. Maupin speaking out, there’s a sense of ownership on behalf of the Black community of the kind of “culture” on display at the TKE event, & second, the call for these young men & women to be expelled from school is not only violative of their speech rights, but counterproductive to the type of full-bodied, productive dialogue Dr. King would’ve encouraged. Was this party in poor-taste? Absolutely. However, punishing protected, but non-mainstream speech only serves to push the folks who share those views away from the discussion table. To Mr. Maupin, & those who support his agenda, I would politely remind them that those same speech & assembly protections they readily obstruct allowed Dr. King to promote his message of equality through peaceful protest. To stand on the shoulders of a giant such as Dr. King, & to use the tools he used for anything other than constructive dialogue is an insult to his cause, to our cause. To those supporters of Mr. Maupin & his ilk, I warn you to tread carefully.

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The way to promote cultural sensitivity is through dialogue, not condemnation. More importantly, there must be an intra-Black community dialogue about the Black Americans who profit from this type of depiction of us as a people. It hard not to think of Black folks as watermelon-loving caricatures when that’s largely how we portray ourselves. We have got to start talking to one another about how we talk, act, & dress. We’ve got to raise the bar, our standards & our expectations. Entitlement, the lack of strong male leadership, & the deterioration of the two-parent home have left Black communities across this country in shambles. Calling for the expulsion of some kids having a frat-house party won’t fix that, & in fact only further serves the purpose reinforcing the victimhood mentality that is so pervasive in the Black community. Instead of being victims, let’s be proactive & attack these problems at the root & have discussions on socially acceptable behavior within our Black communities. We have to stop holding those outside of our Black community to higher standards than we expect of ourselves. These discussions must take place first at home, from parent to child, & that is something we have to address as a Black community.

I write to my community, the community of all races, in the sprit of love, unity, & greater understanding. We must all understand & accept the collectivist narrative that we are in this together. We will fail & succeed together. We must strive to achieve greater understanding together. However, before we can achieve any of these idealistic goals, we must first be accountable as individuals; there must be self-reflection & we have to ask ourselves are we apart of the problem or the solution? When leadership speaks out to silence those disagreeable viewpoints the conversation is prematurely blunted & the argument is circular, only to surface again in few weeks time. As Dr. King eloquently stated, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” Let’s stand together as a community & have that discussion so that we can shed light on the race issue in America that has been trapped in the darkness for so long.

I love you all, & there’s nothing you can do about it.

JW

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2014: A time to reflect & a time to renew

As the previous year draws to a close & we firmly entrench ourselves in the new year, we are often asked to make resolutions about the new year & reflect on the old year.  I don’t plan to make any grandiose revelations or impress you with any astute observations, I’m not intelligent enough for that. I will however state that I think it’s as good a time as any to make an effort to improve yourself. For 2014, I am adopting the motto of “plus one.” I pledge to do one more than I said I would in everything I do. That means one more hour in the books, one more mile on the treadmill (MAYBE?), one more lunch with an old friend, one more smile. 

Plus one, the power of one; That’s my resolution for 2014.

I love you all, & there’s nothing you can do about it.

JW

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Making Sense of the Relationship Between Government, (Gay) Marriage, and Law

Family, I want to share with you a brief history of my evolution on a hot-button topic, gay marriage.

Flashback some years ago and I, as a Christian man, believed that while we shouldn’t allow homosexuals to get married; we should allow the same benefits accorded a married couple, albeit under a different title such as a civil union. Today, I realize given the role marriage has played in our tradition, case-law, and our own deeply held personal views, this view simply doesn’t go far enough. Everyone deserves equal rights; we can’t call some folks married and say other folks have a civil union because just the difference in name alone suggests discrepant treatment of gays. It’s eerily similar to Jim Crow “separate but equal,” and as the Supreme Court noted in Brown v. Board of Education, “separate but equal is inherently unequal.” So what’s the best solution, the best compromise that will be respecting of everyone’s rights? Reform the tax code, verbiage, and subsequent statutory law to get the government to recognize all partnerships, respect the gay community’s right to love, and respect traditional marriage. A heavy lift, but certainly within the realm possibility for our great nation.

Let’s start with the elephant in the room: the gay agenda. I have said and will continue to say that the gay community has pursued the wrong goal. Instead of fighting for the right to get married, the gay community should’ve focused their efforts on rights instead of a title; by fighting for marriage, gays subverted the real issue of rights. As a result of demanding the right to marry, and nothing else, they have taken the biblical concept of marriage and offended folks who typically hold a traditional concept of marriage. This has resulted in pushback against the gay community from not just the conservative wing of the country, but a fair amount of moderates as well. Let me be clear: Marriage is a biblical concept, steeped in centuries of our country’s tradition and jurisprudence, it was strategic error to pursue the right to marry; emphasis should instead be placed on rights. By granting gays the right to marry we are infringing on those who prioritize traditional values and in some respects we’re back to square one because we’ve compromised one group’s set of beliefs for another’s. However, by no fault of their own, the gay community has been pigeonholed into this fight for marriage because the law recognizes and privileges nothing else short of marriage. Here’s where it gets complicated: because marriage has religious connotations and is protected within religious organizations by the 1st Amendment, and because states provide licenses that recognize marriage (which trigger  rights/responsibilities/etc.) we have gotten into this predicament by using each of these elements to mean the same thing, when in fact they are different. From my limited knowledge, most gay couples do not want official church sanctioned recognition of marriage, they simply want the rights associate with the granting of the marriage license. This is why government involvement is crucial to securing rights for gay men and women.

So how do we respect traditional marriage while acknowledging the right of gays to have their relationships recognized? Reform the law. Instead of asking who’s married, the government should be asking who is in committed partnerships, and basing rights, responsibilities, burdens, and privileges on this basis, as opposed to using marriage, and the traditional religious notions it infers, as the determinative factor. This way gays get the rights the seek, and we respect those who value  marriage in its traditional and historical sense. Give marriage back to the church and respect that tradition, while still maintaining an interest in the partnerships that adults consent to. The difficulty lies in changing attitudes about gay relationships and disentangling the role of traditional marriage from our culture and custom from our jurisprudence. However, difficult as the task may be, it’s within our capabilities and it is our responsibility to seek justice for those on whom this burden bears the heaviest, and the constitution declares no less than equality for all.

I want my gay brothers and sisters to enjoy the same rights, privileges, responsibilities, and burdens of citizenship that I, as a heterosexual man, enjoy. Federalism concerns aside, its important that this mandate of equality come from the judicial branch, as states have consistently shown their inability to recognize partnerships between gays and lesbians. Why? Because when it comes to this sensitive topic, a fundamental issue like the ability to engage in a consensual relationship with another adult should be respected as such. Securing it as a federal right would set the baseline for all states to follow and our principles and values as a nation demand no less. What I’m suggesting allows us to be respecting of all rights, while granting our gay brethren a measure of basic respect. While our history is littered with examples of where we’ve fallen short of the ideal of equality, we nonetheless should continue to strive for fairness.

Big thanks to Arizona State Law Professor Charles Calleros for his guidance and wisdom to help me compose this post. (Although he helped me formulate my ideas for this article, this in no way is to be taken as an endorsement of his thoughts).

I love you all, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Blessings.

JW

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Desegregating Arizona’s Public Schools

Every once in a while I come across a piece of writing that touches me to the core. Brown v. Board of Education gave birth to my law school dreams, and it continues to be a highlight not only for me, but for all of American jurisprudence. This particular writing is a brief history of the process of desegregating Arizona’s schools. I wouldn’t waste your time with banal thoughts, so if I’m posting it, there must be some value to it. Take 15 minutes and learn about how the Arizona courts led the US Supreme Court in deciding that “separate but equal is inherently unequal.”

Blessings. JW

A Brief History of Desegregating Arizona’s Public Schools

 

I love you all, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

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4 Reasons its Refreshing to date a grown-ass Woman

Good afternoon family.

A friend passed along an article about a 37-year-old perpetually single woman who after years of failed romances, flings, and paramours, has decided to start dating, in her words, “a grown-ass man.” You can read it HERE.

Let me give you the four reasons she lists: 1) He’s thoughtful; 2) He’s “alpha-dude” sexy 3) He knows himself; 4) He’s protective & chivalrous.

After a discussion with said friend who passed this article to me, she suggested I write the male version of this article. So in the short time I have today, and before my wrists succumb to fatigue, here is my list, limited to four reasons of course (I could come up with dozens), of why its refreshing to (potentially date) a grown-ass woman.

 

1) She is HERSELF, and no one else.

There is nothing sexier than a woman who is a first rate version of herself. She knows what she wants, she knows how to get it, and she knows HERSELF. Confidence is huge, and believe it or not, girls need game/swag too. There is nothing more boring than having a discussion with a woman who brings nothing of interest to the table. That being said, if that’s who she is, great! At least she is being herself, and not someone else. A woman who is goal-oriented, stable, and focused on herself (how cliché), is a sexy woman in high demand. She isn’t actively looking for a man, but men are naturally attracted, and they’ll go above and beyond to prove it to her. 

2) She is extra supportive.

A woman who is supportive of me and my goals is such a valuable asset to have in my corner. The fact of the matter is that the person we date/marry is the person that sees the best and worst in us. They’ll see us at our lowest of lows and they’ll serve a purpose in our lives that no one else can. When a woman is strongly supportive of a man, she empowers him to take risks, overcome obstacles, and motivates him to figuratively move mountains on her behalf. As a result this makes him feel even more masculine, strokes his male ego, and deepens his love and appreciation for her. In other words, listen carefully: by supporting him, she is investing in herself and her relationship. Let that sink in for a minute. Repeat it until you get it. This is the classic example from my favorite dating book The 5 Love Languages: you speak and act with each other in such a way that you “fill up” the other’s love bucket until it overflows into other areas of their life, professional and personal.

3) She is wise & observant of her shortcomings.

Can we be honest? Of course we can, this is MY blog. Women are sometimes irrational, unstable, and insecure; I (as well as you) should love them anyway, despite their flaws. (Men are the second greatest contributor to women’s insecurities; other women are the first, but that’s for another blog). When I say that she is wise and observant of her shortcomings, I’m speaking of those times where she knows she is being irrational, she is keenly aware of it, and can communicate that to me. It makes things so much easier for both of us because, at that point, we can discuss why she feels like acting irrationally is the best way to display her feelings. These difficult discussions lead to a greater depth of communication which further enhances the value of the relationship we’ve built. Furthermore, a side benefit of this kind of woman is that she doesn’t let baggage from previous relationships affect her current one. Ladies please note: DO NOT punish the current man in your life for mistakes that past ones have made. We all lose in that situation.

4) She doesn’t nag, she simply acts.

A woman who nags, is a woman who is on her way out the door. There is nothing worse than hearing the constant refrain of complaints a nagging woman. Don’t nag a man into submission, that is a breakdown in communication. While you may ultimately receive the object of your complaints, its a pyrrhic victory. Nagging to get what you want is a breakdown in communication and is counterproductive to the health of the relationship. Instead of nagging, just act. Example: Let’s say you need your guy to clean the gutters, or take out the trash. Ask once, remind them once, and then after that, simply do it yourself. Nothing makes me more accountable or makes me reflect more on my action or inaction than watching a woman do something she repeatedly asked me to do. Its a wake up call to a man, a win for a woman, and you skip out on the frustration that stems from nagging a man about his failure to complete a task. Next time, instead of nagging, just act; it’ll be to the benefit of the relationship’s bottom line.

 

As always comments, complaints, etc. are welcome.

 

I love you all, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

 

~JW

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